The Whiteboard Said It All
by missblueeyes63
Summary: The whiteboard said it all … Emergency Contact: Brett Swann. Clay finally accepted something he has known since childhood … his father would never be there for him. Tag to Payback episode (2x18).


The whiteboard said it all … Emergency Contact: Brett Swann. Clay finally accepted something he had known since childhood … his father would never be there for him.

He laid in this bed for weeks on end and not once did Ash Spenser make an appearance or even bother to call or text. Not that he wanted him to, but the lack of effort on Ash's part is in stark contrast to the plethora of attempts from his brothers to make contact. He feels bad about not answering, but not enough to actually respond because he is not ready to pretend everything is alright.

Clay stared at the little whiteboard and wondered if the place where Swanny's name is written would be blank if he had not met him right before the Gucci deployment. Probably would because Stella was out of his life. If she couldn't handle a bruised chest, then she would definitely freak the fuck out with the spaghetti mess his legs became. Hell, he couldn't even stand on his own to pee … Stella would've sent him pitying looks, which at the moment would've made him jump down her throat.

Brett's name … an operator's operator … a team guy through and through … says it all. Only the team matters … they are his only family … his father doesn't and never did give a damn about him. He was a kid who cramped Ash's style. Clay huffed. "How the hell could I cramp his lifestyle if he was never around? He shipped me off to grandparents when Mom fell apart. Then he had the audacity to try to make things right … or that is what Ash claimed."

The truth was more disturbing than Clay wanted to admit. His father set him up to appear to be passing confidential information to him for his books … fucking with his life once again. He sat through a long interrogation with Captian Harrington and Lt. Commander Blackburn after the interview where Ash revealed the Suadi mission. The mission where he risked his life, unwilling to leave Jason, Sonny, Brock, and Cerberus to be nuked … turned to ashes … because that is what brothers did. It appeared command believed him because he was not yanked off Bravo. Jason, Ray, Sonny, Trent, and Brock never once doubted him … they had his back during the whole fiasco … which is also what true brothers do.

Brett Swann, not Ash Spenser and not Stella Baxter would receive a call if something took a turn for the worse. Although at this point the only worse he faced was not making it back to the team. Something he feared. It ate at his gut as he lay here unable to even stand without assistance. It caused him sleepless nights filled with nightmares. Without the team … he had nothing.

And he might lose everything still. If he couldn't return if the very real possibility the doctors kept hammering into his head he might never operate again came true … then Bravo would be gone … and so would Swanny. They would move on because he would be too painful a reminder to them that everything they all valued could be wiped out with a single fucking bomb. They might live through it … but in some ways they would still be dead without the ability to be in the fight, hammering the bad guys.

Clay closed his eyes as both physical and emotional pain washed through him. He wished for an eraser … if he wiped off Brett's name, it would be a quick stab to his heart severing the only link to the teams. He pushed his call button, usually eschewing the pain meds, but wanting oblivion at the moment.

Timothy entered carrying two pills in a little plastic cup. He grinned, surprised Spenser requested meds, but then again, he had worked hard during PT today. "Brought you the good stuff." He handed off the medicine and passed Clay a cup of water to wash the tablets down. "Need anything else?"

His eyes going to the whiteboard, Clay stared at the black letters and numbers for his emergency contact. Tempted to tell Tim to remove Swann's name, he only shook his head and closed his eyelids. He listened as his nurse exited and tried to shut off his negative thoughts, but they crept in and took up residence.

The buzzing of his phone caused him to turn and check the caller ID. Sonny's ugly mug showed, and Clay sucked in a deep breath before ignoring the call again. He lost count the number of times they all contacted him, but Sonny's and Jason's images appeared most often.

Returning his focus to the damned whiteboard, Clay wondered if Bravo was not on deployment whose name would be listed. Jason or Sonny? He figured those two might duke it out, though Trent might put his hat in the ring too, claiming he possessed most knowledge of medical stuff so would be the best contact. Clay figured Sonny would win and although Jason might try to pull rank, Sonny would point out that he could come at the drop of a hat because he didn't have kids who needed his attention. The team was everything to Sonny too. The Mighty Quinn had said so in the sub when he believed he would die.

Heavy duty pain meds began to work their magic and Clay began to drift to sleep. His lids became bricks and started to lower as he stared at the wall by his door … the whiteboard said it all … team is my family, and they will be here for me unlike my father.

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**AN:** I don't normally write episode tags, preferring to craft stories in between the episodes, but this one wouldn't leave me alone. With Stella out of the picture and Bravo on deployment, I wondered about Swanny being the one with Clay in the hospital with no appearance of Ash. Then I spotted the whiteboard and Brett's name was listed ... and alas this came out.

I wonder if they are ever going to do something with the implied source of Ash's info or if they are just gonna drop that storyline. Would love to see them do something with it ... but I guess until they do, I'll have to be satisfied with reviling the man in my stories ... I'm sure you all can tell I'm not fond of the Ash Spenser character.


End file.
